My husband

Its been awhile but that's because I hurt myself and have been down for over a week but that's for another day.

I met my husband January of 2004 while he was in AIT in Texas. My friend's husband was going through training while he was in the Army. She was 6 months pregnant and had never flown before so she asked if I would come with her to visit her husband. Well while you are in training you aren't allowed to leave base without another soldier with you so there was another reason for me to come so that A.M. battle buddy was like a third wheel. The day we got to Texas the guys weren't allowed to leave base so we went to see A.M. and my husband was with him so that way we could met finally. That turned out to be a great couple of days. The next day when Matt and A.M. met L.M. and I we enjoyed the day of doing random things. Matt and I ended up doing a lot of talking to get to know one another. For me it was love at first sight, we had a great time. We went to the movies and watch "Butterfly Effect" (I can't say I remembered much of the movie because we were making-out) after that we walked around San Antonio for awhile before we went back to the hotel. The next day things were weird because Matt found out he had order to go to Korea so he didn't want to start a relationship. We ended up leaving things the way they were but talked on the phone when he could and I sent letters.

We found out the day he graduated from AIT that instead of Korea he was going to Georgia to deploy after Christmas. It ended up working out great because where he was stationed I only lived 6-8 hours away. I found out that he had just ended his relationship with his ex 2 months before we met so he was still having issues with us having a relationship. So things got pretty bad her in the Great State of Alabama so when A.M. and L.M. asked me if I wanted to move to Georgia with them I told them yes. I needed to get away and start new. It was an added bonus that Matt was close. We had an on again off again relationship for almost a year before the left for deployment.

One month before Matt left to go to Iraq we found out that we were pregnant, that was the day after we broke off the engagement, with our son. Since things were getting so crazy with deployment and Matt pushing me away, I made the decision to come back to Alabama where my family was so that way I had support. Matt left 2 weeks after I went back home. Matt missed out on everything from beginning of the pregnancy, first movement, first time hearing the heart beat, watching the ultrasounds, everything. I went through the whole labor and delivery and the first 7 months of him life by myself. M got home New years Eve and met his son for the first time ever. We got married 2 months after he got home. Before he got back to the States he received orders to go to Colorado. We were married for almost 6 months when we moved. When we got there life living with a soldier with PTSD got bad. He had been able to hold it in for awhile before it came out but when it did it was bad. We got there in June and in October M had asked for a divorce. So I went back to Alabama with my one year old in tow. He deployed again in December. It was hard because our son had no idea what was going on. For our son's 2nd birthday we got a surprise M was in Atlanta waiting on me because he was back for R&R. It was a great surprise because we were starting to fix our relationship. We had decided that when he got home from deployment I was going to be back in Colorado waiting on him. If I thought things were bad it had nothing on the second deployment. His PTSD was worse and he was drinking even more. We had received orders shortly after he got home that we were getting stationed in Washington State 6 months after he got home. Right before M left for Washington I took a pregnancy test and had to wait on the results until the day M left. I had to wait a month before I could leave because I was getting some work done on my knees to help with the cartilage. The day M left I got the call that I was pregnant. That night M got in trouble and got a DUI while he was in route to WA. I left two weeks early to travel to WA because M wasn't doing really well without me. As his PTSD got worse, his drinking got worse.

When I was 9 months pregnant I walked in on M and another soldier (female) close to kissing while my son and I were right down the hall. That was M's wake up call that he needed help so after being together for so many years the day he held our daughter in his arms he made a vow to stop drinking. We still have issues and we are still working on a lot but we are stronger together then separate. Our daughter is now 3 years old and M has been sober for almost 4 years. He is now out of the Army he got medically retired 2 years ago. I am so use to dealing with his PTSD that I always put myself last. This blog is a way for me to tell my story and to start putting myself first.

Well that is all for today I will be back.....