Crystal meet Crystal

So things have been a little crazy lately. I am finally able to do things because my arm and ankle are healing enough that I don't have to rely on anyone but me.

In the same right I am back to having to do everything again. I was enjoying the help because I really am tired of having to do it by myself. I am still getting help cooking so that's one thing, but dishes and laundry is totally me. I know I need to stand up for myself but its so hard because I don't want to deal with the guilt trip I always get.

I keep saying that me getting hurt was God; universe; my body's way of telling me to slow down. I am slowing down but I know that it won't last long. I really wish I knew how to stand up and say "hey you know what I can't do it all by myself and even I'm not superwoman" but every time I say I can't do it by myself it starts fights and I would rather do it myself then have to get in a fight. I know that I am letting people run all over me but I'm just trying to protect myself.

I don't have many friends to talk to so its hard for me to go to my friends, because I feel that I am being one of the people that drive everyone insane because its always a "woe is me" mentality. I really just need to get back more and more of my voice.

The retreat with the ladies made me see that I never lost my voice it was just in hiding until I was ready to stand up for me. Now its up to me to bring it out more and more everyday because in all actuality that is going to be the only way I will ever be me again.

So I will leave you with this.... Old Crystal meet New Crystal because its time for me to change how I do things and be the person I have always wanted to be.